$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
