I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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