Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
