Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you made out with another girl for some wings
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
