he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
