textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
