i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
