Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
