i think my mom watched the whole time
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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