I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
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The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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