there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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