I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
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Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
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Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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