i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
