I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
