i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
