if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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