I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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