Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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