he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
