i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
