Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
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I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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