So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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