I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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