dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
