my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
