Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I would ride that face into the sunset
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize