It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
