His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
