I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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