your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
