Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize