Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
