Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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