no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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