How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize