Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
