Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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