called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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