Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
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i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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