I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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