i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
