community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
