If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We need to get me chipped asap
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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