I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
