i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
