he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
