I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize