You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize