I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
