***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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