my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize