I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
