Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
