Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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